Love- That Breath
Oh yes. Take a deep whiff. I dare you to not like what you smell. Babies are the only human beings who have good breath every hour of the day. No morning breath ever. Just this sweet almost creamy scent. And I’ll admit it, I do find myself sniffing inside her mouth from time to time.
This is when they suck just enough to get the flow of milk going and suddenly let go; leaving you to manically control the jets of milk shooting out of you and spraying the walls. This isn’t an exaggeration. Seriously, it has happened.
Love- That Warmth
Having a baby is like having your own hot water bottle. It sounds terrible, but it’s true. In the cold, babies are the greatest thing to snuggle up to. And the best thing is that they’re just as obsessed with cuddling as women, so there’s no need to bug the husband.
I really thought I would be immune to my own baby’s stench. I really did, but I’m not. Baby poop is a bad bad thing- especially after you introduce solids.
Love- The Love you Get
Everyone tells women that they’ll love their baby more than anything. But no one tells you how much they’ll love you. The love my daughter has for me is so intense, it’s borderline creepy and obsessive. For a long time I would catch her staring at me in the car with this deep stalker-ish gaze for ten to fifteen minutes at a time, without breaking eye contact. It was extremely touching.
Hate-Farting in Public
This is another poop related point. It’s when you’re trying to be a sophisticated adult in a gathering and your baby is farting and grunting in the corner. So you try to laugh it off but really you’re dying on the inside.
Love-Baby Hunger Games
It’s not the healthiest thing in the world, but parents do it. I’m also guilty of quietly comparing my daughter to other babies. It’s fun especially when you realize that your baby is particularly advanced. I’ve even secretly chuckled to myself when Maryam once managed to pull a toy out of the hands of a boy much older than her.
Honestly, one day I think I’ll wake up with one less nipple.
Love-Finding anything they do hilarious
Me: OMG she said ‘aka’.
Husband: no way.
*both collapse with laughter*
Me: she sounds like a bird.
Husband: or a dinosaur.
Me: we’ve made an excellent baby.
Hate-Never Peeing Alone
Having a baby is like having a second shadow. Except that this shadow likes to watch you taking a dump. Get used to it.