1-Trying to hear mid blow-dry
Why hairdressers try to talk to you during a blow-dry is beyond me. Like for God’s sake there’s a freaking vacuum cleaner in my ear, why are you trying to talk to me? Then you have to look like a deaf old woman shouting in confusion at every question they throw at you.
2- The lectures and criticisms
No joke, when I was around 16 I went to a hairdresser who literally told me that I needed to find a way to control my unruly hair and that I should ‘have mercy on myself and whoever is dealing with it’. I went home feeling completely humiliated and in tears. My mum was livid and needless to say, the woman isn’t working there anymore.
Sometimes they even try to be cute about it like:
Salon lady: wow you have a very hairy back, but no problem, I make you beautiful. Make your husband very happy tonight.
3- Leaving with half an eyebrow but not saying a word
I’m sure we’ve all been there before- staring at your reflection while the hairdresser is waiting for your approval. You look like crap and feel devastated, but still feel the need to nod and say you like their work.
4- OR saying something and setting off an explosive drama
I went for a terrible bridal package before my wedding. The lady picked at my skin in the most painful way, burping her way through a supposedly relaxing facial. By burping, I mean exactly that. The woman was burping continuously. Gross. I know. I had such a bad time, for the first time in my life, I decided to mention it to the receptionist who gave me a paper to write my complaints down. While doing so, the lady handling my facial stomps out:
Woman: YOU. 3AROOSA (bride in Arabic)
Me: timidly looks up.
Woman: You’re complaining about me! No I won’t allow it!
Me: Well, you hurt me.
By this time the drama had attracted the attention of the other customers and the woman was barking at me very rudely. The manager came over and took me upstairs to apologise and gave me loads of free stuff. I went home shaken but content, like a child with a new box of sweeties.
5- When someone you know walks in on you mid-blow dry
So you’re sitting on that chair with half your hair looking like a monstrosity and someone you know walks over to say hello. So you pretend to be super confident and cool about it but really you’re cursing your luck on the inside.
6- The scalp burns
It would seem that many salons still have difficulty working out the difference between straightening your hair and grilling your scalp. If you’ve ever left a salon with a sizzled head, I hear you sister!
7- Checking out your neighbour sitting next to you
Or even checking them out while they check themselves out in the mirror. This is a struggle because comparison is truly the thief of joy- especially when you realise that you should have got whatever they did instead.
8- Selling you products
This is perhaps one of the most annoying things hairdressers do.
Woman looking at curls: you know we have keratin treatments and even hair botox. You should get them so your hair is always straight.
Me: straight hair stinks. Curls rock. (yes I just went there)
This is a very effective technique. You can try it with everything:
Woman: you have dry skin. How about one of our treatments to restore moisture?
You: moisture sucks. Dry skin rules.
The key is to always seem confident no matter what. In any case how dare they suggest you have dry skin to begin with? Hairdressers feed off of insecurities, so if they try to sell you something you don’t want, you need to show them that you love the way you are already. This usually confuses them.